i thought about relationships. looking around at my friends and realizing how ridiculous i am to expect to find love at clear creek high school.
there is NOTHING there for me! my friends are getting their hearts broken left and right... ive taken part in my share of hurt, too. all of us have also dealt it out... theres no reason to blame the guys. i think our youth is to blame. or maybe its just me- i dont feel mature enough to share a relationship like my parents'. theyre so close... its crazy. they are in the kind of love that surpasses even their children: even their own flesh and blood cannot match the love they share. thats what i want. thats what im looking for-- and that is not what im gonna find in clear creek high school.
ok i have a crush. i know. but it doesnt feel like im falling. its ridiculous, really. i like a guy because he thinks im beautiful. GROW UP, CIP. i know im beautiful. ive heard it enough to where it finally sinks in. my parents are beautiful. my mother was a goddess when she was younger. my brothers are beautiful. its in the family. theres no reason to like him just because he did a little dance... technically all he wants is what all guys this age want. im through with this stuff. can i just take a break from guys for a while? is it even a question? im 17, it shouldnt even matter. but my friends laugh and go along... dating, getting hurt. i dont want to get hurt again. noooooo silly reader. it wasnt bruce. it wasnt even stephen... it was before all then. some day ill feel like writing it all down. and ull understand my mistrust for guys.
but not today.